Serpentine they sinuate through my mind
Constricting my thoughts they become entwined
Now poisoned, diseased, they are no longer mine
I'm trapped in the labyrinth of a baneful design
Huddled in a corner, but they are on the hound
It's only a matter of time before I'm found
They slink behind me, first a whisper
Then rapidly fremescent- darker and deeper
Each in contradiction of the other
They try to drown out one another
They tell me to run. They tell me to come clean
"Put your ego at stake? The very idea is obscene!"-
Scream the voices in my head. I just want them to cease
Hunted and haunted I have not a moment of release
Leave me be you demons of warped confounded thought!
If only I could efface the memory of those who provoked this fraught...
Wow, great poetry - you've got a beautiful sense of flow and rhythm.
ReplyDeleteAnd I could so identify with the words, I know all about the feeling of having demons within my head :)
Wish I could write like this though :(
Thanks man... Poetry is something I'm not too sure of... So I don't know if I can actually write poems, so thanks =)
ReplyDeleteThat's some incentive to keep at it!
And hey, you should give it a try, you might surprise yourself!
no offence, but this kinda sucks.
ReplyDeletethe rhyming is all good, but nothing really comes out of it... it's just... words :S
aww c'mon fallen i think its pretty good, note on the monsters though, there's no use runnig away, turning around and facing them may as a metter of fact help more.
ReplyDelete@ St Fallen- From what I've found floating around Kottu I'd say it's far better.
ReplyDeleteIt could be that you don't get it 'cause you can't relate to it or you don't know what some of those words mean.
@ The Whack- Running away could be a solution...
har di fucking har
ReplyDeleteyeah most of what's on kottu is shit
but there are a few poems here and there that are good
my point is that the poem doesn't "go" anywhere
if it did, I'd like it
but since it doesn't, it doesn't really help
it's just insight, and nothing else
K, well let me break it down for you...
ReplyDeleteIf you still don't get it *shrug* =P
It's a process...
Of something happening.
People tell you stuff or you think too much about it.
You start to hear voices in your head.
They hound you every minute of the day and become stronger.
Eventually you get REALLY confused 'cause they contradict each other.
At that point you all you want is to stifle the voices, 'cause they're getting ruddy bleeding tiresome- ENDLESSLY clamouring in your head!
And then realization dawns. The solution lies at the root of the matter. In order to get the voices to cease you've got to de-weed the thing from its roots...
er, I wasn't aware you considered me retarded, but just to let you know, I got that.
ReplyDeletethat wasn't my point, it makes sense, it communicates the point, the rhyme and flow is good, but in the end the poem doesn't achieve anything.
the realization means nothing because all you've done is whine about it throughout the poem and then just go, this is what I should do, and then you just end it without doing anything.
it doesn't take you from point A to point B, it's just like, I'm here and I could get there if I did this, but meh, I'll save that for the next poem.
Not all poems are about a cause and solution.
ReplyDeleteThis one is simply the gradual stages of a state of mind.
Take poems such as Daffodils by Wordsworth or A Thing of Beauty by Keats, they're descriptive poems.
Poems don't necessarily need to have a point A and B.
lol i don't know about points to poetry, but running away a solution? nah that just makes you weaker don't you think? but depending on the situation yeah i guess running away or aoidance can mean victory i guess..
ReplyDeleteThe Whack- Sometimes there is no solution, and the only way to achieve some peace of mind is to run away.
ReplyDeleteDelirium I feel this is pretty ok though.
ReplyDeleteIn ancient warfare, they say if you wanna retreat don’t feel beaten. Just put the target that you wanna reach to your rear and follow it. It is not a defeat but just a change of your aim towards your goal. ;)
That's an interesting way going about it! Might actually try it out =)
ReplyDelete